Stress and Laughter

Song I'm Currently Listening To: A Whisper & A Clamor - Anberlin

I'm blogging because my cool suite-mate blogged not too long ago, and it reminded me that I haven't blogged since September.

Just yesterday I watched The IT Crowd episode where the boss, who is unfortunately dressed like this:

is talking about how stress is constantly killing people. Which of course then he's the major cause of most of the stress in the building anyway because he's threatening to fire anyone who's stressed at the end of the day, which of course means they're all going to be stressed about the thought of being fired because they're stressed...

The point of the matter is, over the past month and a half or so, I've become extremely stressed out. My workload has quadrupled from the workload I had last session, plus a string of a thousand other things. It's just like stress decided to punch me in the face and steal my lunch money. For those who need a visual, here's an example:

Stress does not wear a blue coat. I am also not a small Asian boy.

You get the point. I'm very tired and overworked, and it's not a fun place to be in. I also learned something very interesting this past week. I was on the phone ranting to a friend, and they noted how that even though I was so tired, upset, and stressed about certain things, I kept laughing about whatever the subject was. That statement made me realize that whenever I don't feel like I can handle something, I laugh. It's like a built in defense mechanism. Laughing makes me feel better, so I automatically do it when things are going wrong. 

I don't think it's a bad thing all the time. If it'll ease up the stress a little bit or help me see what's making me stressed in a clearer light, even for a moment, I don't see how it's bad. If it helps me realize that it's not something that is going to control my life and never go away, I think it's fine. If it starts making me not take things seriously, that would be a problem. But I'm not doing that. 

All I know is, an overload of stress isn't good for anyone. Avoiding it at all costs would be awesome, but I know that isn't possible. All I have to say is... I know I'll live. And if anyone else is extremely stressed out, you'll live and make it through, too. Life isn't always fine and dandy. Take advantage of the moments that are, and kick the butt of the ones that are not.

This Is A Blog Post About...

Song(s) I'm Currently Listening To: Random bits of the Queen Discography

* I'm drinking a particularly good cup of coffee today. It makes me happy.

I did not, however, specifically arrange coffee beans so I felt like I was drinking a picture.

* My dorm room feels like I'm sitting in a bathtub full of ice cubes in Antarctica. 

I decided googling "bathtub" wouldn't be a smart idea. So here's Antarctica!

* Yesterday my room mate, my suite-mates, and I randomly ordered a large pizza from Pizza Hut and devoured and then proceeded to devour it at the hour of 10:45 pm.

Behold, grease!

* I have 5 empty plastic water bottles on my desk.

This is more than 5.

* I get to go play with wolves soon. Yes, real live wolves.

"I love you!!!"

* At the beginning of the week, a fake ladybug failed to perform a stealth attack on me by sitting on my pillow and sneaking up on me. It then was flicked out of the room by yours truly.

"Fear me, I'm kamikaze beetle."

* I'm sitting here pouting because Freddie Mercury's falsetto is a million times better than my regular voice.

He's even gloating about it. :P

* My exam today in Abnormal Psych was okay until we got to the case studies. Those were hard.

I made this exact face while reading them.

This is my day/week so far. I'm pretty sure the rest of it is going to be great :-). Have a great week, everyone!

Mosquitos

Song I'm Listening to - Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

I have 16 mosquito bites on my legs. I covered them all up with band-aids so I would stop scratching them. 

I'm never going outside in shorts again after dark. I used to do it all the time with no problem. Not anymore.

I hate mosquitoes. They're evil things sent specifically to bother humans and leave their legs an itchy mess, while they buzz off with a belly full of blood and laugh maniacally.

 This one in particular enjoys pretending it's a non-sparkly vampire.

I learned from the ever trustworthy Wikipedia, mosquitoes living in nature (apparently some live in captivity?) usually don't live longer than a couple weeks. That makes it even worse. They hatch, they grow, they bite as many humans and animals as they can, and then they die. But there's like, a bazillion (that is not a trustworthy statistic from Wiki) of them out there. How do they manage this?!

I do, however, feel like I helped assist many families of mosquitoes in to breeding more little monsters. I may have assisted in the building of a giant army of mosquitoes considering the state of my bitten legs. Or maybe they just really like my blood.

I apologize to you all for unknowingly helping the mosquito population get fed. 

"Life Changing" Test

Song I'm Listening To: Typical - MuteMath

I did not intentionally switch the song I was listening to from Justin Bieber's "Eeenie Meenie" to something else so I could write what song I was listening to at the top. Nope, I didn't do that at all.

:-D

Anyway... my blog today is going to be about...

*Drumroll*

My room mate's obsession with Portal! I'm kidding haha.

I want to talk about my Abnormal Psychology class. Today the professor discussed anxiety disorders and how many people concentrate on the "what if's" in life. And it really got me thinking...

I do this ALL of the time. Last year I was afraid I wasn't going to pass this test in my awful music appreciation class... and this is how it played out in my head.

"What if I don't pass this test?! If I don't pass the test, I won't pass the class! If I don't pass the class... I'll lose my scholarship and I'll have to retake the whole thing. Then I'll look stupid and have no money to go to college. If I don't have any money to go to college, I won't be able to stay in college and get my degree. If i don't get my degree, I won't be able to get enough money... well, unless I marry a rich guy, but who'd want to marry a girl who couldn't pass Music Appreciation?! Ah, if I don't pass this class, I'll never get married!!!"

Yeah, it went on to "I'll never move out of the house" and such, but I think going from not being able to pass a test to not getting married was hilarious enough. I then passed the test and class with a higher grade than I expected.

Why did I waste my time with unnecessary worrying? Well, I mean on the plus side it got me to study a little harder, but other than that, all it brought was so much anxiety and lack of sleep... which didn't help with my mood whatsoever.

A little bit of worrying doesn't really hurt anything. It's normal and probably healthy, considering if you didn't worry about anything or have any foresight... then things would end up really badly. However, worrying so much about something that you can't think of anything else or come to irrational consequences if you don't complete something... well, that's just a bit silly.

I'm just saying... taking a breather, relax, and dive in to the task again :)

Wedding Day

Song I'm Listening To: Marchin On/Good Life - OneRepublic

I haven't written in a very long time because of one thing... WEDDING!!!

I've been working on stuff for my sister's wedding for a while now. It seemed so far away at the beginning of the summer. But soon enough, August 13th rolled around...

And honestly, I couldn't have had a better day. Everything was perfect, and my sister and brother in law most definitely deserved it.

I had to wake up at 5:00 am to get in to the church to have my hair done. I packed up everything I could have possibly needed the night before because I don't function in the morning period, especially 5 in the morning...

All of the bridesmaids, moms, and Bethany got their hair done and got dressed in the nursery of the church. It was kind of funny, looking back on it now, but whatever :). I also signed the marriage license (as a witness) on an ironing board sitting in there. :P

Once Bethany was in her dress with her hair up and makeup on... I almost started tearing up then. She looked absolutely beautiful. Seriously. Absolutely beautiful :).

Picture taking was a lot of fun... Bethany and Dustin looked so cute and happy together :)

The ceremony was beautiful. I couldn't stop smiling as I was walking in to the sanctuary at the beginning. The music was amazing (live band, oh yeah :D). Bethany and Dustin looked so unbelievably happy together. When Bethany was walking down the aisle, she had the biggest smile I've ever seen. I was bawling my eyes out by the end of the ceremony, and right before Dustin and Bethany were announced as husband and wife, my sister turned around and gave me a big hug. We were both crying because we were so happy. Apparently we made over half the church cry then...

The reception was also perfect. Relaxed, yet it still had an air of formality to it. People actually danced, which made me happy. I danced with my Uncle Dan! And my theatre directors kids haha.

Honestly the best part was looking around and seeing how happy everyone was. Of course Bethany and Dustin were happy, but everyone else around was about as happy as they were. It was truly a day full of joy, and it couldn't have gone any better, in my opinion.

This isn't really detailed or anything, it's just what's going through my brain right now... It was just an amazing day.

The Last Installment

Song I'm Listening To: E.T. - Toy Box

Note: The song I'm listening to is really, really weird/hilarious.

For starters, this blog contains a lot of Harry Potter stuff, which I know not all of my readers like Harry Potter or have even given it a try. This doesn't bother me in the slightest. My reasons for enjoying Harry Potter are extensive, and the world the story takes place in is no more "unrealistic" than Star Wars or something like that. Just throwing it out there haha. If you are reading this and do not like Harry Potter and/or haven't given it a try, well... just read the blog anyway! I'm not going to give a detailed over view about why it's awesome. This blog will also be split in to parts haha.

Part 1: Today I saw the final Harry Potter film... Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. It was quite enjoyable and I do admit I teared up several times. *Spoiler Alert for People Who Care* At the end of the movie, Harry has possession of the wand that could make him the most powerful person in that world. He then proceeds to break it and throw it off a bridge in to a rocky ravine. I didn't remember any of this because I haven't read the books in so long, so I was left to question why he even did that.

Then I questioned what I would do if I were in Harry's shoes. What if someone offered me something that could make me more powerful than anyone else in the world? Would I take it? What would I do with that power? I want to say that I would try the awful cliche of "making the world a better place", but would I really know what to do? Would I really know what was the best for every single person on the planet? Would I get big headed and think I was the best person to walk this earth? Would I end up corrupting everything and doing it for selfish reasons?

Maybe yes, maybe no. But it's something to consider. I think it's easier to abuse any sort of power you have over someone than people realize, and I think it's harder learning to realize when you can't handle the power that you do have. I know I've danced the delicate line of being in charge of something and just being bossy. I also know I've danced the line between asking for favors and just plain using people. And honestly, it's just not okay.

I really don't blame Harry for chucking that wand over the bridge.

Part 2: It was weird when the credits were rolling for this movie. Matt leaned over to me and said, "there's not going to be any more movies." That's when it hit me. For years I have watched the books come out and then the movies, and they were always things I really looked forward to. I do have to say, my sister truly grew up with this series, unlike me. Anyway, now that I've seen the last movie, I realize... it's all over. No more books. No more movies. It's finally come to a close. The story is now complete. It is sad realizing that something I've been watching develop for over 10 years now is finished, but I guess all things have to come to a close.

Part 3: I also had a really fun day with Matt today :D. We watched both parts of the last Harry Potter movie, ate at Panera, ran around Best Buy, ran around Wal*Mart, went to Gordon's to buy Bosco Sticks, listened and sang along to fun music, complained about the heat, laughed and told funny stories, waved at a cop that I thought was going to hit us... It was a great day. It really was. :)

I'm not really sure this blog is as structured or as detailed or whatever as my others, but it's my thoughts, and I typed them out now. So here they are. Enjoy.

Thank You, Summer

Song I'm Listening to: Say You Like Me - We the Kings

I love We the Kings. They make me happy, just like the band The Killers. I just ordered the new We the Kings CD today... and the album actually just came out today for everyone who's not on Itunes.

Anyway,

So far my summer has consisted of exactly what I thought it was going to be. I work, and I work a lot. I technically have two part time jobs. One of them is still at the pizza place I've been working at for the past 3 years. The other one is cleaning a family friend's house once a week. Yay for making money! I'm willing to work this much, at least it gives me something to do during the summer instead of sitting around at home. Working at the pizza place has certainly led to some frustration and annoyance, considering I'm left working the front by myself a lot of the times and expected to do a lot of work in a short amount of time. But honestly, at the end of each day, I look back at all of the good that happened that day at work, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

My other focus this summer is my sister's wedding, which makes this summer more exciting than other ones in the past :). I can't wait, especially because I'm the maid of honor! Yay! Bethany and Dustin seem really happy, and it's quite evident that they both love each other so much. Dustin is in Spain right now and Bethany misses him like crazy. I have no idea how she feels because I've never been in her shoes, but I can't wait until my future brother-in-law comes back... because it'll be good to see both him and her so happy to see each other again. Plus, that means the wedding is really soon!

Also this summer I've been treating myself to some of my own "me time," considering I'm one of those people who needs it a lot. Every time after I clean the family friend's house, I treat myself to a delicious Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks. It's rewarding after a long week of work (PJ's for 5 days in a row, then the next day cleaning). However, I learned the hard way they use real cream in their drinks... I'm lactose intolerant and I didn't take a pill before I drank it... I ended up with the worst stomach cramp ever haha. Stomach cramp aside, I've grown to really look forward to this little slot of time after cleaning and going back home. Sometimes I'll go for a short drive, like today I decided to drive around Winona Lake for a little bit just to see how beautiful everything looked on this absolutely beautiful day. Sometimes I sit at Starbucks. Sometimes I head straight home and collapse on my bedroom floor. But it's still "me time."

In one of my earliest blogs, I was saying how I was learning about taking time for myself during the school year. Well, I've now learned it's equally important during the summer time as well, especially with working two jobs. However, there's not much time left in the summer, especially with everything I have to do before school starts back in to session. But I do have to say, I love the summer time... and I'm going to make the best of the rest of it. :)

Zelda Logic

Song I'm listening to: Angel - Javier Colon (and Time after Time)

Yes, this is a blog about playing a video game. I'm a dork. :D

This week I busted out The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time again after not playing it for several years. I started a new game (I named "Link" Napoleon this time. Bonaparte or Dynamite, take your pick) and started on the epic adventure once again. I do believe this game and Mario 64 are some of the most popular games or something, I can't really remember anymore. I was impressed that I still remembered how to do mostly everything, especially since I learned how to beat the game just by watching my brother play it.

Playing it when you're 19 is much different than when you're ten, though, as I've learned. When I was 10, I didn't question anything that happened or questioned any of the logic of the game.

The only thing I questioned was why the Hero of Time was wearing a skirt

Since restarting the game now, I'm starting to learn some very interesting things about the Zelda universe:

As a child: 

You can push a giant stone block just fine, but you need a special bracelet to rip grass out of the ground

You go on a great mission to destroy a curse, then learn it was doomed from the beginning

You can tell complete strangers that you have precious artifacts on you

After learning 6 to 8 notes of a song, you automatically know the rest

Rolling a giant lizard in to a lava pit will cool the lava

Destroying pottery and gravestones is totally acceptable

Bats live in underground tombs

As an Adult:

You do exactly what you're supposed to, but you help the bad guy by mistake... in a cut scene.

Leaving the precious stones lying in an open space won't provoke anyone to steal them

Your character is seen as incredibly handsome by everyone... including dudes

Milk that's been in your pocket for 7 years doesn't go bad

Most people won't recognize you after 7 years, even if you're wearing the same silly outfit

You kill ghosts... with arrows

There's also been some great lines of dialogue in here that I never noticed, including:

"Without a fairy, you're not even a real man!"

He's a real man now

And... well, here's a screen shot of what the creepy dude says in the next one.

Link then abandons his destiny as the Hero of Time and becomes a gigolo.

I'm just starting to realize that when I was younger, I never really realized that the pure logic of the game is a little off. Jumping off a giant cliff and rolling on the ground won't hurt you? Cool! Dungeons are inside fish? Cool! If you bust open a rock, money will fall out? That's great!  A guy wants you to take "mushrooms" to an old lady so she can make "medicine" out of it? Yay, magic! 

Maybe now I'm older and have a more realistic view on things, but it doesn't mean I'm not having a blast playing this. It really does bring me back to when I was younger and would watch my older siblings play. That makes me smile. I work so much now and get so exhausted, and sometimes I feel like I lose my big imagination somewhere in between all of that. Dusting off this game and going through the magical world of Hyrule again makes me happy, and even though I giggle at how unrealistic things are, it doesn't really matter. It's a game, and it's a magical land that I'm saving. 

I'm telling you all today, don't lose that inner kid inside of you. It may help keep you sane sometimes. :)

A Bottle with a Lizard On It

Song I'm Listening to: I'm Not the One - 3OH!3

Since it was over a thousand degrees outside yesterday (ok, 90) I decided that it would be a fantastic day to drive to the store and buy some Gatorade and Powerade because I'm absolutely hooked on that stuff. After walking past the creepy man at the ATM at the store and almost slamming in to the automatic door that didn't quite open fast enough, I entered the trusty North Webster grocery store.

I love this grocery store because it's quite run down. The floor is uneven, so in some places, if you forget and let go of your cart, you'll end up chasing it down the aisle. I also have a feeling that the ceiling isn't quite the correct color, and I'm not going to ask how some of those cracks got on the wall. The people you run in to are just as charming.

Sparing all the boring details, I walked out of the store with less Gatorade and Powerade than I thought... because I found another beverage.

Sobe Lifewater.

I mean, come on. I felt cooler and healthier just buying the stuff. There's 0 calories, lots and lots of vitamins, it's all natural, some bottles say "antioxidants" and some advertise how you'll become or remain "lean" if you drink this stuff.

Oh yes. I was immediately drawn in to the trend of buying flavored water with added vitamins and other junk like "citrimax" and ginseng that are supposedly good for you, even though I have no idea what they actually do. But hey, it's gotta be good, it's featured on a bottle called LIFEWATER. How could I have missed out on all of this wonderful goodness?! After buying the stuff (and my Gatorade and Powerade), I felt awesome. I knew I would be a healthier person just by drinking this amazing stuff. And I knew it was good, I had tried it before. I just had never had it for MYSELF before. And now, here it was! All for me!

After drinking my first bottle, I immediately felt like I was being a healthier person because of it. Then I realized I had eaten this right before:

All hail the mighty Heart Attack Burger

A bottle full of delicious healthy drink (that also has adorable lizards on it) will not immediately undo the artery clogging power of the french fried onion, bacon, white cheddar cheese, BBQ sauce, and grease burger. 

Yep. I'm not a healthy person just because I bought some healthy drinks and actually find them delicious. I eat a lot and I eat whatever I want. Sobe can not magically reverse the terrible parts of my diet and make it better. 

Oh well. I'll still buy the Sobe Lifewater when it's on sale. And I'll continue eating incredibly unhealthy burgers if I feel like it. They both make me happy. :D

Fear is Interesting

Song that I'm listening to: Kids - MGMT

Today, I am going to talk about 6 things that I am scared of/am uncomfortable with/just plain don't like and explain why I am afraid/uncomfortable with those things. Why? Because I find the feeling of fear and the origins of fear extremely interesting. I also enjoy making fun of myself. So, combine those two elements and you get this blog post.

Oh, and a quick side note. I do NOT have a phobia to any of these things. A phobia is an irrational fear of something, not just a common fear. Do not use the term "phobia" so quickly. It's one of my pet peeves.

Here we go!

Fear: Ladybugs/Asian Lady Beetles

Gah these things are so disgusting

Asian Lady Beetles make up about 99% of the bugs you actually call a lady bug. They invest homes your homes during the fall and they stink worse than a skunk. They fly around and make a terrible little thud/buzz noise whenever they crash in to something. They pick your favorite spot in the room to crawl up in and die.

Why do I avoid these little things like none other? It originated years ago. One night I was peacefully lying in my bed about to fall asleep. One of these bugs tried to fly in my ear. IN MY EAR. My ear canals are unusually small, so that little monster would have gotten stuck in my ear if it got in. Ever since that night, I have avoided these bugs at all costs and I freeze whenever I see one.

I'm 19 years old and afraid of a tiny bug with spots on its back. I'm less afraid of cleaning the toilets at work than I am of these things. That's just wrong.

Fear: Certain faceless figures

I thought a reason people liked babies were because they look cute when they smile. 

I'm not saying every single figurine or figure without a face creeps me out, but these above do for some reason. Masks that just have black slits for the eyes and mouth scare me, as does anything (that's not an animal) that has completely black eyes. Faceless mannequins can make me uncomfortable if I'm alone in a store with one. 

Why? Well, part of the origin it this TV show. I was flipping through channels when I was pretty young once, and I flipped to a dramatic TV show where this lady could see dead people or something. I flipped to it right when a scene popped up where she saw all of these people with black holes for eyes and mouths were screaming on a bus, and it scared me to death. Another reason is that I have a habit of studying people's facial expressions. It's how I learn a lot about a person, more than what they actually say. No face to study = uncomfortable Sarah.

I still won't go down in the grave to learn the Sun's Song in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time without all of the lights on in the room and a strategy to make a mad dash to the other side of the room. To everyone who isn't a Zelda dork like me, google "Redead" and you'll understand why. The graphics aren't good and I'm still afraid. Go me!

Fear: Sirens

Apparently it's moving so fast it's not even solid anymore

Sirens never mean anything good, period. The sound of sirens doesn't make me cower in fear or anything. They do make me physically freeze up for a second, my stomach will drop, my heart skips a beat, I will stare in the direction of the sound, and I probably won't talk for a while after I hear one. 

This one actually has a legit reason/sad reason behind it. The day Brandon and Amanda died, the air was just filled with the sound of sirens. I remember hearing a ton while walking in to the school that day, and now that I think about it, one of them was probably going to Brandon's accident. I don't necessarily think about that when I hear a siren, that sound just has a really strong link to bad things with me.

I'm not asking for pity, I'm not asking for you to take special precautions around me if one goes off, and don't ask if I'm okay whenever a siren goes off. I'll probably be annoyed with that. Act like you normally would. Just don't be surprised if I don't talk for a while.

Fear: Pitchforks

I can't figure out what's going on in this picture. I'm not going to ask him, though.

Pitchforks. I'm sure they have some useful purpose, but whenever I think about them, I just think about the damage they can do to a human being. I refuse to watch a horror film that involves any sort of pitchfork.

I honestly have no idea what's up with this one or where it originated. I think I just keep imagining how terrible it would be to be stabbed to death with a pitchfork... 

If for some reason in life I was on a bus and the only two seats left were sitting next to the creepy dude giving everyone the death glare and stabbing the back of the seat with a pen or sitting next to the farmer guy in the middle of the bus who had a pitchfork, I'd pick the creepy dude in the back. The scenario is dumb I know, just roll with it haha.

Fear: Spiders

This one was the one that wasn't as scary as the other pictures I googled

Ah, yes, spiders. A common fear amongst many, these little 8 legged arachnids have caused many people to scream like little girls since the beginning of time, I believe.

Too many times I have seen a spider, looked away, then looked back again and it was gone. It's the worst game of hide and seek ever. Yes, many spiders are harmless. I don't care. The feeling of having one crawl on you is dreadful. Just... no. I don't do well with spiders. Especially if it looks like it's walking towards me. I will take off in the other direction. And I mean RUN AWAY!!!

If you've ever seen the movie It, you'll remember that near the end they fight a giant spider. When I was watching it, I curled up in the fetal position on the couch, wide eyed, and scared to death. I was afraid of an extremely fake looking spider. It moved like it was trying to do the robot dance or something. I still was afraid of it. I even think that's dumb.

Fear: Having my back to the majority of the room

This picture tried its hardest to show diversity

This makes me more uncomfortable than anything. Whenever I sit at a table, I always, ALWAYS pick the seat where I can see the majority of the people in the room. I always pick a seat in the back of the classroom. While walking in groups, I try to be towards the back of the group. I sit in the back of church. I sit further back during theatre productions.

Why? I guess it goes back to always wanting to know my surroundings. I don't like the feeling of not being able to see what's going on around me or any of the people around me. It makes me so uncomfortable. I feel extremely vulnerable whenever my back is to a large group of people. The only exception was when I was a senior in high school and sitting in the cafeteria. Apparently my seniority status squashed all my fears hahaha.

So, what are you afraid of? What makes you feel uneasy? And why? I personally think figuring out the "why" is the most interesting part. Just think about that for a while.

Summer!

Album I'm listening to: Help! - The Beatles

I made it!!! I lived through my first year of college! I'm officially a sophomore in college! And I give a big thumbs up and a big congratulations to anyone who may have accomplished any sort of college goal this year!

I'm sure this guy would be just as happy for you if you met him

While I was packing up the last of my my things and cleaning the room yesterday, I really didn't realize what I had just accomplished. I made an tiny room my home for a little over 8 months. I actually attended 8 o' clock classes (grrr freshman foundations). I lived through eating Alpha food. I drank and unearthly amount of coffee!  I have one year of loans tacked on to me for the rest of my life!

You'll never, ever see me with even this much money again

Oh, and I'm one step closer to getting a degree... that too... considering that's sort of the point of college. 

No, but really, I am happy that I made it through this first year. As it says in the blog post below, my year was  somewhat difficult, especially right at the beginning. But... I made it. Next year will be an adjustment again considering we're moving to a different curriculum and I'm moving clear across campus in to Alpha, but honestly, I don't think it will be that bad at all.

But right now, it's SUMMER TIME!!!! And what happens just a few hours I get home? Samson accidentally bashes me in the face with is nose and leaves a nice little cut across the bridge of the nose.

   

Yes it is impossible to be mad at such a cute doggy, even if he does bodily harm.

I didn't care, I was still happy to come home and relax and pet the puppy. Now I'm just going to take advantage of the time I have left here at home before I have to go back to school and work my butt off on school work again. Oh, and since we're switching to a new program, the first year of it is going to be even longer than this year was! Oh boy! Grrr....

Random side note time! I was watching Bill Nye the Science Guy because I was bored and didn't want to study, and I watched the episode on magnetism to disprove the Insane Clown Posse's theory of magnets being magic. Randomly throughout the show, they would show a series of things and go "Magnetic, or not?" Here's a screen shot of one of them...

That piercing stare has been in my nightmares ever since

Yes, a shirtless David Hasselhoff popped up on the screen with an unknown hand rubbing a magnet on him and a loud voice saying, "David Hasselhoff... magnetic, or not?" This had to be one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

If you're wondering the answer to the question, he is not.

Anyway... most of this summer the blogs will be about being a waitress, since it's my job and all. But who knows, maybe I'll do more exciting things and be able to write about that stuff, too. Maybe swimming, running around in the woods, hanging out with friends, going to the fair (if that can count as being exciting), learning to dance like Vanilla Ice in his music video Ice Ice Baby...

Give an unsuccessful smoldering look at the camera if you're a pompous prick!

Have a great summer, everybody!!!!!!!

Some Cliche Title About Reflecting On the School Year

Song I'm listening to: The Art of War - Anberlin
(and a shuffle of Anberlin on my computer)

"I've never seen someone smile so much when they say 'fierce and cruel persecution' "

That was one of the comments I wrote down in my notes during a random film during my 8:30 class yesterday. It was a weird film.

ANYWAY... that was just a side note.

The end of the school year is coming up so fast. I still remember welcome weekend like it was yesterday. Now, I'm packing up all of my stuff again... to take it home... and pack it right back up in 3 months to head back to school. I'm not sure if I'm a huge fan of hauling all of my junk around all of the time, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

This school year was... I'll just say that so much happened this year. There were so many new experiences and changes...

The first night there was hard. I just sat in my new bed, realizing how incredibly uncomfortable it was even though I had/have a mattress pad, and wondered what I had gotten myself in to. I could barely sleep, I was sharing a room with someone who seemed like someone I could get along with but I was still so nervous, and I only got around 4 hours of sleep that night. The next morning we were all forced to go to breakfast, and I had 2 mugs of coffee before 8:30 in the morning because I had never felt that tired in my entire life. Plus I had to sit awkwardly at a table full of people I didn't know... at 8:00 in the morning... when I was tired. It was a bad morning.

The next couple of months was full of half hearted attempts at trying to get to know some people on campus, but in all honesty I'm not sure I really wanted to. I missed (and still do miss so much to this day) all of my friends back at home and they were the only people I wanted to see. I had deemed my room mate to be a good friend by this point in time (hahaha yay for you, Alyssa!) but I almost didn't think I was actually going to get any really close friends ever again. I mean, I remember one day I just sat on my bed for 3 hours and read a book straight through. I was pretty boring.

The end of the semester was just crazy. Did fun stuff happen? oh yeah lol. and not-so-fun-stuff? oh yeah... I'm not going in to specifics, but Christmas break was needed.

Then... second semester seems like it just started, and now it's almost completely done. But what has happened during second semester?

At the very beginning I got a self esteem boost from an interesting circumstance
I learned how to fall in to the routine of college better.
I actually have some really close awesome friends here at college as well as people at home.
I figured out I have to work just a bit harder on work than I did in high school (haha)
I learned how to take time for my self.
I learned I don't always have to be "available" to talk to.
I have really, really gained an appreciation of Anberlin and other bands
I explored Winona Lake.
I let myself get all fancied up for Alyssa's photography project :P.
I have almost completed the worst class in the history of classes. One more class. One Exam. Then I'm done.

But the most important?
I drank Perrier water.

Kidding!

Without a doubt not everything in this semester as been ideal... some things have really sucked. There's things I don't like about college, definitely. But I'm learning how to handle things better. Or at least I'm trying.

With summer coming right up, there's no doubt I can't wait to get out of here, even though I'll be waitressing almost every single day. Probably about half way through July I'll be banging my head on a wall, crying, and saying "get me out of here! I'll go back to college!!" because the July crowd is always insane. But honestly... even through all of the crap, I can't wait to go back to work and start getting money again. The summer will fly by though, between working and Bethany and Dustin's wedding.

I'm taking advantage of every bit of summer I have though. I can't wait for it.

Bring On Summer :D

".... on my birthday? Yeah!"

Song: I Wear My Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart

I was afraid my birthday this year would be incredibly boring. Last year I was sung to every class hour, including half of the passing periods and lunch, I got signs put on my locker (hahaha, I had to keep tearing them down though and putting them INSIDE my locker......) and everyone was wishing me a happy birthday. Theatre practice went well that night, too, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, this year's birthday was actually quite great. My sister called me and told me to take some time for myself this year. Right in the middle of that phone call, I got a call from some high school friends who obnoxiously sang to me in English, and then in French when they got to Schwartz's room. It made me smile and laugh a lot :D. After calling my sister back and putting away the dishes Mom told me to (and forgetting to put the towels in the dryer for the second day in a row...) I was off to have my own adventures.

I obnoxiously updated my twitter every time I did something. Here's the record...

Sleeping in a little for my birthday :)))


Why is there a dusting of snow on the ground on my birthday?! Bad weather! :P


I didn't want snow on the ground for my birthday. An hour later it is gone. Mwahaha


Listening to Anberlin and 009 Sound System on my birthday? <3 Yes


Anberlin, 009 Sound System, AND Daft Punk on my birthday? <3 yeah! :D


Visiting Brandon and waving obnoxiously at the high school when i passed it on my birthday? Yeah!


singing along to Just A Dream by Nelly on my birthday? Oh yeah :D


seeing the mailman put mail in one of my friend's mailboxes as I drove by their house on my birthday? Yup. But that was weird lol


is glad @cnj09 enjoys hearing my adventures on my birthday! :D


yelling in the middle of singing start a fire by ryan star because i thought the UPS man was going to hit me going 10 mph on my birthday ...


telling everyone I was safe and didn't text and drive, i pulled off to the side, on my birthday? Yup :D


enjoying tacking "on my birthday" at the end of each tweet on my birthday? Yeah!


listening to I Want Candy while going to buy candy with all change on my birthday? Yeah!


obeying the speed limit and not even going 5 mph over on backwater road on my birthday? Yup!


sending another twitter update so @rdenman95 can read another on her birthday. Yeah!


blasting 30 Seconds to Mars from my laptop on my birthday? Yeah!


loves Anberlin and 30 Seconds to Mars equally... On my birthday. And any other day :D


@brittns0812 yesss... Thank you. On my birthday :D


relaxing in my room holding a giant stuffed donkey on my birthday? Yeah!


being confused because my computer is on random play all and it played KATY PERRY after the amazing Beatles?! On my birthday?! yeah!


going to Grandma's to eat dinner... On my birthday! :D


giant slice of cake on my birthday? Yeah!


thinks that @cnj09 doing a 2 year plan on my birthday is great :D


Soo... yes. I got coffee for myself. I went and sat with Brandon for a while, just watching the world go by. I drove around for a bit, just looking at things. I took some time for myself. That isn't EVERYTHING that happened, but everything that did happen on my birthday was pretty cool :)


As the last of the "Happy Birthday" messages are rolling in via Facebook, texting, actual phone calls, and Twitter, I really do thank everyone. Everyone helped make my day, MY BIRTHDAY that is, even more special :). I think every person deserves to have a great birthday... even if it's just the simplest things that make it great.

Relaxation, FINALLY

Current Song: Turn the Page - Blind Guardian

Spring Break came at the perfect time. If I had to go another week at college, I think I would have lost my mind. I was so exhausted and so tired of everything. And, as my family knows, I can become a living nightmare once I get like that. So spring break = win! (not like Charlie Sheen. I'm not banging 7 gram rocks and sleeping with prostitutes.)

I turn 19 tomorrow. It's kinda weird to think about because it seems like my 18th birthday was just yesterday. The time between my 18th and 19th birthday is all mixed up in my brain... SO much stuff happened between then and now. I don't even know how I handled it all. Tomorrow, for the first time ever on my birthday, if anyone asks me if I feel older, I think I'll be able to truthfully tell that person yes. I had a lot of really good times and a lot of really awful times... but in the end that made me who I am right now. From performing in my first school play to working a crazy long summer, from starting and adjusting to college and balancing time at home... and all the other crazy stuff that happened (haha), it's been a jam-packed year. Hopefully 19 won't be quite as crazy, but if it is... well, bring it on! Hopefully I'll be able to handle it a little better :).

Yeah, I'm not writing a whole long blog where you're supposed to learn something. This one's all about me, because I'm conceited. Hahaha :D

Anyway, I'll end with some songs I recommend you all listen to, because I'm awesome like that. Go look these suckers up on Youtube.

The Bard's Song - Blind Guardian (he's German, so don't question his accent lol)
Strawberry Swing - Coldplay (Favorite song ever)
Long Away - Queen (This one is sung by the guitarist, Brian May)
Edge of the Earth - 30 Seconds to Mars (Jared Leto!)
Born to Be Wasted - 009 Sound System (hehe, this one is fun to listen to in my car)
I Can Walk On Water - Basshunter (If you want to DAAAANCE!)
Glosoli - Sigur Ros (I don't know how to put the accents in. This song is... awesome!)
409 In Your Coffeemaker - Green Day (yes, part of the url of my blog. This is early Green Day!)
I Won't Leave - Denison Witmer (This song makes me sleepy :)  )

Everyone who is on spring break and reading this, have a lovely rest of spring break. To everyone else, have a lovely rest of the week.

Caring

"I measured the distance from Heaven to Hell 

How will we do only time will tell 

Oh when you stop worrying 

What anyone says doesn't mean a thing 

Just tell me you're feeling it 

And you're not disbelieving it 

I'll pay you in kind or silver and gold 

I want to ignore all the stories untold 

Make me an offer I cannot refuse 

You know if I win then that means you lose 

Just say you believe in it 

That you're not, not feeling it 

Dwelling on the memories 

Is such a waste of energy 

It's simple when you see it in front of you 

On walls, in bedrooms 

Hold you're head up higher 

Don't tell me you're not strong enough 

If your journey's over 

I hope you feel that I am the one 

Only time will tell 

Just say you'll be loving me 

For an eternity 

Oh I feel tired of all of these games 

Everywhere, everything is the same 

Tell me you'll promise you might come with me 

The start of a Journey from A to B 

I'll be happy to carry you 

Even though I know I haven't got the strength to hold you 

I need you more than ever before 

If our journey's over 

I hope that you will find someone who will love you more 

Now not for the first time 

What I want might not be mine 

If you say you won't come along 

Then I know I can't go it alone"

- Badly Drawn Boy: A Journey From A to B

Yeah, I may have just posted lyrics that somehow struck a chord with me and it somewhat relates to me and all of that jazz (cue me getting "All that Jazz" from the Chicago soundtrack stuck in my head). No, I'm not madly in love with anyone. Yes, the song IS sung by one of those guys that plays a thousand different instruments and somehow uses every one of them in the CD they made. (I really do love Badly Drawn Boy)

But hey, at least I didn't say this song was how I was feeling right now:


(I guess I should say there's a small Parental Advisory on a certain section of the lyrics, and if you're afraid of funky looking masks, don't watch the second half)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUTGr5t3MoY


And... at least I didn't say I was feeling like a Simple Plan song.


oh, I also thought about Rick Rolling you all. 


ANYWAY... to discussing what's been on my mind... 


I'm pretty sure ever since Lauren died in the 6th grade, I've had this crazy fear of losing people close to me. After Brandon and Amanda died, this fear grew immensely. However, I'm not only talking about people dying. I'm also talking about losing friendships with people who mean the world to me. (I don't trust easily, either).


I used to work so hard and do anything for people that it got to the point where I would neglect what I need to do or get blamed for things I didn't have control over just in hopes that I wouldn't lose everyone. I got hurt a lot. I was losing my identity in everyone else and the events around me, even though I'm actually quite independent by nature.


Now I get this mental image of God sitting up there, doing a major face palm, and saying "Hey Sarah, I'm pretty sure you have your OWN identity... Caring for others is AWESOME all and I say you should... but I mean really? You're actually a person yourself as well. Oh and you're really beautiful, so stop hiding that behind your insanely long hair so you can hide your face and stop wearing boring old t-shirts EVERY day."


Yeah, I did just compliment and insult myself in the same sentence just because I can. Mind blown?


Yeah I didn't think so.


Now that I'm done putting words in God's mouth and hoping lightening doesn't strike me down for it, lets move on. I've finally stopped neglecting myself in that way, and I don't let people manipulate me. I do lose my respect for people who do that to me, and I don't let that happen again. Losing contact with that is fine. 


That's all fine and dandy. However, I still start worrying about all of the ways I could possibly lose someone I care about by something I said in the past or may say in the future. I don't like circumstances that take me far away from the people I love.


I really hate seeing the people I care about hurt and too emotionally weak to do anything, so I will do anything to help them (sometimes it's tough love though. Please remember that). If people want to turn to me for help, I will gladly give it. Even on the days I'm not feeling 100% emotionally fan-freaking-tastic, I still will try and push that aside (temporarily!) to help others. Even though I am crazily independent on many, many things, my friends and family hold an extremely high importance in my life. Even if I act like I don't need them, I really do.


Yup, now you all can take a minute to see how that all fits in to the song and stuff. If it does. Maybe it doesn't and I'm just crazy haha.


So when that last bit of the song said "If our journey's over, I hope you that you will find someone who will love you more" that kinda stung. No, it really stung. It stung worse then the time I stepped on a bee when I was six.


DISCLAIMER: IT HAS NOW COME TO THAT TIME WHERE I SOMEHOW GRAB SOME SORT OF LESSON OR ADVICE OUT OF THE JUMBLED MESS I JUST TYPED


I think sometimes I get that mentality that since I put so much energy in to the friendship, I somehow have some sort of... I dunno, prestige that should magically stop any sort of change in said friendship. I think I have the power of how long we will be friends and how close we will be. I think I'm like a mother hen or something, being able to ALWAYS take care of that person. If there's change or conflict or whatever... I feel like I failed.


Huh, yeah that's not how it works. I've gone from having no self esteem to feeling like I control everything. Hmmm... now that's certainly a problem!


Things do change. Relationships with people always change and develop. You may be able to take care of someone for a while, but you have to let it go at that point (hmmm, sounds like Brandon and I both have that in common). You learn whether or not any type of relationship was supposed to work out or not. There's no doubt that it can hurt when circumstances change any sort of relationship. But I guess it's just the next step you have to take.


I'm still learning this lesson. However in this process I've also learned... I have some pretty incredible friends and family in my life.