".... on my birthday? Yeah!"

Song: I Wear My Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart

I was afraid my birthday this year would be incredibly boring. Last year I was sung to every class hour, including half of the passing periods and lunch, I got signs put on my locker (hahaha, I had to keep tearing them down though and putting them INSIDE my locker......) and everyone was wishing me a happy birthday. Theatre practice went well that night, too, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, this year's birthday was actually quite great. My sister called me and told me to take some time for myself this year. Right in the middle of that phone call, I got a call from some high school friends who obnoxiously sang to me in English, and then in French when they got to Schwartz's room. It made me smile and laugh a lot :D. After calling my sister back and putting away the dishes Mom told me to (and forgetting to put the towels in the dryer for the second day in a row...) I was off to have my own adventures.

I obnoxiously updated my twitter every time I did something. Here's the record...

Sleeping in a little for my birthday :)))


Why is there a dusting of snow on the ground on my birthday?! Bad weather! :P


I didn't want snow on the ground for my birthday. An hour later it is gone. Mwahaha


Listening to Anberlin and 009 Sound System on my birthday? <3 Yes


Anberlin, 009 Sound System, AND Daft Punk on my birthday? <3 yeah! :D


Visiting Brandon and waving obnoxiously at the high school when i passed it on my birthday? Yeah!


singing along to Just A Dream by Nelly on my birthday? Oh yeah :D


seeing the mailman put mail in one of my friend's mailboxes as I drove by their house on my birthday? Yup. But that was weird lol


is glad @cnj09 enjoys hearing my adventures on my birthday! :D


yelling in the middle of singing start a fire by ryan star because i thought the UPS man was going to hit me going 10 mph on my birthday ...


telling everyone I was safe and didn't text and drive, i pulled off to the side, on my birthday? Yup :D


enjoying tacking "on my birthday" at the end of each tweet on my birthday? Yeah!


listening to I Want Candy while going to buy candy with all change on my birthday? Yeah!


obeying the speed limit and not even going 5 mph over on backwater road on my birthday? Yup!


sending another twitter update so @rdenman95 can read another on her birthday. Yeah!


blasting 30 Seconds to Mars from my laptop on my birthday? Yeah!


loves Anberlin and 30 Seconds to Mars equally... On my birthday. And any other day :D


@brittns0812 yesss... Thank you. On my birthday :D


relaxing in my room holding a giant stuffed donkey on my birthday? Yeah!


being confused because my computer is on random play all and it played KATY PERRY after the amazing Beatles?! On my birthday?! yeah!


going to Grandma's to eat dinner... On my birthday! :D


giant slice of cake on my birthday? Yeah!


thinks that @cnj09 doing a 2 year plan on my birthday is great :D


Soo... yes. I got coffee for myself. I went and sat with Brandon for a while, just watching the world go by. I drove around for a bit, just looking at things. I took some time for myself. That isn't EVERYTHING that happened, but everything that did happen on my birthday was pretty cool :)


As the last of the "Happy Birthday" messages are rolling in via Facebook, texting, actual phone calls, and Twitter, I really do thank everyone. Everyone helped make my day, MY BIRTHDAY that is, even more special :). I think every person deserves to have a great birthday... even if it's just the simplest things that make it great.

Relaxation, FINALLY

Current Song: Turn the Page - Blind Guardian

Spring Break came at the perfect time. If I had to go another week at college, I think I would have lost my mind. I was so exhausted and so tired of everything. And, as my family knows, I can become a living nightmare once I get like that. So spring break = win! (not like Charlie Sheen. I'm not banging 7 gram rocks and sleeping with prostitutes.)

I turn 19 tomorrow. It's kinda weird to think about because it seems like my 18th birthday was just yesterday. The time between my 18th and 19th birthday is all mixed up in my brain... SO much stuff happened between then and now. I don't even know how I handled it all. Tomorrow, for the first time ever on my birthday, if anyone asks me if I feel older, I think I'll be able to truthfully tell that person yes. I had a lot of really good times and a lot of really awful times... but in the end that made me who I am right now. From performing in my first school play to working a crazy long summer, from starting and adjusting to college and balancing time at home... and all the other crazy stuff that happened (haha), it's been a jam-packed year. Hopefully 19 won't be quite as crazy, but if it is... well, bring it on! Hopefully I'll be able to handle it a little better :).

Yeah, I'm not writing a whole long blog where you're supposed to learn something. This one's all about me, because I'm conceited. Hahaha :D

Anyway, I'll end with some songs I recommend you all listen to, because I'm awesome like that. Go look these suckers up on Youtube.

The Bard's Song - Blind Guardian (he's German, so don't question his accent lol)
Strawberry Swing - Coldplay (Favorite song ever)
Long Away - Queen (This one is sung by the guitarist, Brian May)
Edge of the Earth - 30 Seconds to Mars (Jared Leto!)
Born to Be Wasted - 009 Sound System (hehe, this one is fun to listen to in my car)
I Can Walk On Water - Basshunter (If you want to DAAAANCE!)
Glosoli - Sigur Ros (I don't know how to put the accents in. This song is... awesome!)
409 In Your Coffeemaker - Green Day (yes, part of the url of my blog. This is early Green Day!)
I Won't Leave - Denison Witmer (This song makes me sleepy :)  )

Everyone who is on spring break and reading this, have a lovely rest of spring break. To everyone else, have a lovely rest of the week.

Caring

"I measured the distance from Heaven to Hell 

How will we do only time will tell 

Oh when you stop worrying 

What anyone says doesn't mean a thing 

Just tell me you're feeling it 

And you're not disbelieving it 

I'll pay you in kind or silver and gold 

I want to ignore all the stories untold 

Make me an offer I cannot refuse 

You know if I win then that means you lose 

Just say you believe in it 

That you're not, not feeling it 

Dwelling on the memories 

Is such a waste of energy 

It's simple when you see it in front of you 

On walls, in bedrooms 

Hold you're head up higher 

Don't tell me you're not strong enough 

If your journey's over 

I hope you feel that I am the one 

Only time will tell 

Just say you'll be loving me 

For an eternity 

Oh I feel tired of all of these games 

Everywhere, everything is the same 

Tell me you'll promise you might come with me 

The start of a Journey from A to B 

I'll be happy to carry you 

Even though I know I haven't got the strength to hold you 

I need you more than ever before 

If our journey's over 

I hope that you will find someone who will love you more 

Now not for the first time 

What I want might not be mine 

If you say you won't come along 

Then I know I can't go it alone"

- Badly Drawn Boy: A Journey From A to B

Yeah, I may have just posted lyrics that somehow struck a chord with me and it somewhat relates to me and all of that jazz (cue me getting "All that Jazz" from the Chicago soundtrack stuck in my head). No, I'm not madly in love with anyone. Yes, the song IS sung by one of those guys that plays a thousand different instruments and somehow uses every one of them in the CD they made. (I really do love Badly Drawn Boy)

But hey, at least I didn't say this song was how I was feeling right now:


(I guess I should say there's a small Parental Advisory on a certain section of the lyrics, and if you're afraid of funky looking masks, don't watch the second half)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUTGr5t3MoY


And... at least I didn't say I was feeling like a Simple Plan song.


oh, I also thought about Rick Rolling you all. 


ANYWAY... to discussing what's been on my mind... 


I'm pretty sure ever since Lauren died in the 6th grade, I've had this crazy fear of losing people close to me. After Brandon and Amanda died, this fear grew immensely. However, I'm not only talking about people dying. I'm also talking about losing friendships with people who mean the world to me. (I don't trust easily, either).


I used to work so hard and do anything for people that it got to the point where I would neglect what I need to do or get blamed for things I didn't have control over just in hopes that I wouldn't lose everyone. I got hurt a lot. I was losing my identity in everyone else and the events around me, even though I'm actually quite independent by nature.


Now I get this mental image of God sitting up there, doing a major face palm, and saying "Hey Sarah, I'm pretty sure you have your OWN identity... Caring for others is AWESOME all and I say you should... but I mean really? You're actually a person yourself as well. Oh and you're really beautiful, so stop hiding that behind your insanely long hair so you can hide your face and stop wearing boring old t-shirts EVERY day."


Yeah, I did just compliment and insult myself in the same sentence just because I can. Mind blown?


Yeah I didn't think so.


Now that I'm done putting words in God's mouth and hoping lightening doesn't strike me down for it, lets move on. I've finally stopped neglecting myself in that way, and I don't let people manipulate me. I do lose my respect for people who do that to me, and I don't let that happen again. Losing contact with that is fine. 


That's all fine and dandy. However, I still start worrying about all of the ways I could possibly lose someone I care about by something I said in the past or may say in the future. I don't like circumstances that take me far away from the people I love.


I really hate seeing the people I care about hurt and too emotionally weak to do anything, so I will do anything to help them (sometimes it's tough love though. Please remember that). If people want to turn to me for help, I will gladly give it. Even on the days I'm not feeling 100% emotionally fan-freaking-tastic, I still will try and push that aside (temporarily!) to help others. Even though I am crazily independent on many, many things, my friends and family hold an extremely high importance in my life. Even if I act like I don't need them, I really do.


Yup, now you all can take a minute to see how that all fits in to the song and stuff. If it does. Maybe it doesn't and I'm just crazy haha.


So when that last bit of the song said "If our journey's over, I hope you that you will find someone who will love you more" that kinda stung. No, it really stung. It stung worse then the time I stepped on a bee when I was six.


DISCLAIMER: IT HAS NOW COME TO THAT TIME WHERE I SOMEHOW GRAB SOME SORT OF LESSON OR ADVICE OUT OF THE JUMBLED MESS I JUST TYPED


I think sometimes I get that mentality that since I put so much energy in to the friendship, I somehow have some sort of... I dunno, prestige that should magically stop any sort of change in said friendship. I think I have the power of how long we will be friends and how close we will be. I think I'm like a mother hen or something, being able to ALWAYS take care of that person. If there's change or conflict or whatever... I feel like I failed.


Huh, yeah that's not how it works. I've gone from having no self esteem to feeling like I control everything. Hmmm... now that's certainly a problem!


Things do change. Relationships with people always change and develop. You may be able to take care of someone for a while, but you have to let it go at that point (hmmm, sounds like Brandon and I both have that in common). You learn whether or not any type of relationship was supposed to work out or not. There's no doubt that it can hurt when circumstances change any sort of relationship. But I guess it's just the next step you have to take.


I'm still learning this lesson. However in this process I've also learned... I have some pretty incredible friends and family in my life.

Independence

Song: Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer

I have been so busy the past couple of weeks, and finally today I get a little break before actually having to start doing a ton of work again. Ah, college, all it does is kick your butt. 

Anyway, I've been thinking lately about I've grown up to be an overly independent person. It's why I LOVE having a car so much and am overly protective of it (besides the fact my parents pay for it :D). I can chose when to drive and where to go instead of depending on other people. Asking for help is one of my least favorite things to do, EVER. For some reason, I have this mindset that if I can't do it by myself, it's not worth doing in the first place. 

Now I will make a list of 10 things I have no idea how to do yet.

1. Bills

2. Taxes

3. Change a car tire

4. Swim

5. Study for Appreciation of Music class

6. Use an ATM

7. Tolerate loud pounding from the fourth floor

8. Fix a computer

9. Drive a stick shift car

10. Dance

Hmmm... And how am I supposed to learn how to do these things without asking someone for help? I maybe could teach myself how to do some of those things without anyone's help... but it would make things a whole lot easier. I love it when someone asks me for help with something... I like helping them learn. But I won't do it for myself.

Challenge for this week: If you need help with something, JUST ASK SOMEONE. Yes, this is coming from the person who insists doing everything herself. I guess it's alright to step out of the box once in a while.