Fear is Interesting

Song that I'm listening to: Kids - MGMT

Today, I am going to talk about 6 things that I am scared of/am uncomfortable with/just plain don't like and explain why I am afraid/uncomfortable with those things. Why? Because I find the feeling of fear and the origins of fear extremely interesting. I also enjoy making fun of myself. So, combine those two elements and you get this blog post.

Oh, and a quick side note. I do NOT have a phobia to any of these things. A phobia is an irrational fear of something, not just a common fear. Do not use the term "phobia" so quickly. It's one of my pet peeves.

Here we go!

Fear: Ladybugs/Asian Lady Beetles

Gah these things are so disgusting

Asian Lady Beetles make up about 99% of the bugs you actually call a lady bug. They invest homes your homes during the fall and they stink worse than a skunk. They fly around and make a terrible little thud/buzz noise whenever they crash in to something. They pick your favorite spot in the room to crawl up in and die.

Why do I avoid these little things like none other? It originated years ago. One night I was peacefully lying in my bed about to fall asleep. One of these bugs tried to fly in my ear. IN MY EAR. My ear canals are unusually small, so that little monster would have gotten stuck in my ear if it got in. Ever since that night, I have avoided these bugs at all costs and I freeze whenever I see one.

I'm 19 years old and afraid of a tiny bug with spots on its back. I'm less afraid of cleaning the toilets at work than I am of these things. That's just wrong.

Fear: Certain faceless figures

I thought a reason people liked babies were because they look cute when they smile. 

I'm not saying every single figurine or figure without a face creeps me out, but these above do for some reason. Masks that just have black slits for the eyes and mouth scare me, as does anything (that's not an animal) that has completely black eyes. Faceless mannequins can make me uncomfortable if I'm alone in a store with one. 

Why? Well, part of the origin it this TV show. I was flipping through channels when I was pretty young once, and I flipped to a dramatic TV show where this lady could see dead people or something. I flipped to it right when a scene popped up where she saw all of these people with black holes for eyes and mouths were screaming on a bus, and it scared me to death. Another reason is that I have a habit of studying people's facial expressions. It's how I learn a lot about a person, more than what they actually say. No face to study = uncomfortable Sarah.

I still won't go down in the grave to learn the Sun's Song in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time without all of the lights on in the room and a strategy to make a mad dash to the other side of the room. To everyone who isn't a Zelda dork like me, google "Redead" and you'll understand why. The graphics aren't good and I'm still afraid. Go me!

Fear: Sirens

Apparently it's moving so fast it's not even solid anymore

Sirens never mean anything good, period. The sound of sirens doesn't make me cower in fear or anything. They do make me physically freeze up for a second, my stomach will drop, my heart skips a beat, I will stare in the direction of the sound, and I probably won't talk for a while after I hear one. 

This one actually has a legit reason/sad reason behind it. The day Brandon and Amanda died, the air was just filled with the sound of sirens. I remember hearing a ton while walking in to the school that day, and now that I think about it, one of them was probably going to Brandon's accident. I don't necessarily think about that when I hear a siren, that sound just has a really strong link to bad things with me.

I'm not asking for pity, I'm not asking for you to take special precautions around me if one goes off, and don't ask if I'm okay whenever a siren goes off. I'll probably be annoyed with that. Act like you normally would. Just don't be surprised if I don't talk for a while.

Fear: Pitchforks

I can't figure out what's going on in this picture. I'm not going to ask him, though.

Pitchforks. I'm sure they have some useful purpose, but whenever I think about them, I just think about the damage they can do to a human being. I refuse to watch a horror film that involves any sort of pitchfork.

I honestly have no idea what's up with this one or where it originated. I think I just keep imagining how terrible it would be to be stabbed to death with a pitchfork... 

If for some reason in life I was on a bus and the only two seats left were sitting next to the creepy dude giving everyone the death glare and stabbing the back of the seat with a pen or sitting next to the farmer guy in the middle of the bus who had a pitchfork, I'd pick the creepy dude in the back. The scenario is dumb I know, just roll with it haha.

Fear: Spiders

This one was the one that wasn't as scary as the other pictures I googled

Ah, yes, spiders. A common fear amongst many, these little 8 legged arachnids have caused many people to scream like little girls since the beginning of time, I believe.

Too many times I have seen a spider, looked away, then looked back again and it was gone. It's the worst game of hide and seek ever. Yes, many spiders are harmless. I don't care. The feeling of having one crawl on you is dreadful. Just... no. I don't do well with spiders. Especially if it looks like it's walking towards me. I will take off in the other direction. And I mean RUN AWAY!!!

If you've ever seen the movie It, you'll remember that near the end they fight a giant spider. When I was watching it, I curled up in the fetal position on the couch, wide eyed, and scared to death. I was afraid of an extremely fake looking spider. It moved like it was trying to do the robot dance or something. I still was afraid of it. I even think that's dumb.

Fear: Having my back to the majority of the room

This picture tried its hardest to show diversity

This makes me more uncomfortable than anything. Whenever I sit at a table, I always, ALWAYS pick the seat where I can see the majority of the people in the room. I always pick a seat in the back of the classroom. While walking in groups, I try to be towards the back of the group. I sit in the back of church. I sit further back during theatre productions.

Why? I guess it goes back to always wanting to know my surroundings. I don't like the feeling of not being able to see what's going on around me or any of the people around me. It makes me so uncomfortable. I feel extremely vulnerable whenever my back is to a large group of people. The only exception was when I was a senior in high school and sitting in the cafeteria. Apparently my seniority status squashed all my fears hahaha.

So, what are you afraid of? What makes you feel uneasy? And why? I personally think figuring out the "why" is the most interesting part. Just think about that for a while.

Summer!

Album I'm listening to: Help! - The Beatles

I made it!!! I lived through my first year of college! I'm officially a sophomore in college! And I give a big thumbs up and a big congratulations to anyone who may have accomplished any sort of college goal this year!

I'm sure this guy would be just as happy for you if you met him

While I was packing up the last of my my things and cleaning the room yesterday, I really didn't realize what I had just accomplished. I made an tiny room my home for a little over 8 months. I actually attended 8 o' clock classes (grrr freshman foundations). I lived through eating Alpha food. I drank and unearthly amount of coffee!  I have one year of loans tacked on to me for the rest of my life!

You'll never, ever see me with even this much money again

Oh, and I'm one step closer to getting a degree... that too... considering that's sort of the point of college. 

No, but really, I am happy that I made it through this first year. As it says in the blog post below, my year was  somewhat difficult, especially right at the beginning. But... I made it. Next year will be an adjustment again considering we're moving to a different curriculum and I'm moving clear across campus in to Alpha, but honestly, I don't think it will be that bad at all.

But right now, it's SUMMER TIME!!!! And what happens just a few hours I get home? Samson accidentally bashes me in the face with is nose and leaves a nice little cut across the bridge of the nose.

   

Yes it is impossible to be mad at such a cute doggy, even if he does bodily harm.

I didn't care, I was still happy to come home and relax and pet the puppy. Now I'm just going to take advantage of the time I have left here at home before I have to go back to school and work my butt off on school work again. Oh, and since we're switching to a new program, the first year of it is going to be even longer than this year was! Oh boy! Grrr....

Random side note time! I was watching Bill Nye the Science Guy because I was bored and didn't want to study, and I watched the episode on magnetism to disprove the Insane Clown Posse's theory of magnets being magic. Randomly throughout the show, they would show a series of things and go "Magnetic, or not?" Here's a screen shot of one of them...

That piercing stare has been in my nightmares ever since

Yes, a shirtless David Hasselhoff popped up on the screen with an unknown hand rubbing a magnet on him and a loud voice saying, "David Hasselhoff... magnetic, or not?" This had to be one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

If you're wondering the answer to the question, he is not.

Anyway... most of this summer the blogs will be about being a waitress, since it's my job and all. But who knows, maybe I'll do more exciting things and be able to write about that stuff, too. Maybe swimming, running around in the woods, hanging out with friends, going to the fair (if that can count as being exciting), learning to dance like Vanilla Ice in his music video Ice Ice Baby...

Give an unsuccessful smoldering look at the camera if you're a pompous prick!

Have a great summer, everybody!!!!!!!

Some Cliche Title About Reflecting On the School Year

Song I'm listening to: The Art of War - Anberlin
(and a shuffle of Anberlin on my computer)

"I've never seen someone smile so much when they say 'fierce and cruel persecution' "

That was one of the comments I wrote down in my notes during a random film during my 8:30 class yesterday. It was a weird film.

ANYWAY... that was just a side note.

The end of the school year is coming up so fast. I still remember welcome weekend like it was yesterday. Now, I'm packing up all of my stuff again... to take it home... and pack it right back up in 3 months to head back to school. I'm not sure if I'm a huge fan of hauling all of my junk around all of the time, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

This school year was... I'll just say that so much happened this year. There were so many new experiences and changes...

The first night there was hard. I just sat in my new bed, realizing how incredibly uncomfortable it was even though I had/have a mattress pad, and wondered what I had gotten myself in to. I could barely sleep, I was sharing a room with someone who seemed like someone I could get along with but I was still so nervous, and I only got around 4 hours of sleep that night. The next morning we were all forced to go to breakfast, and I had 2 mugs of coffee before 8:30 in the morning because I had never felt that tired in my entire life. Plus I had to sit awkwardly at a table full of people I didn't know... at 8:00 in the morning... when I was tired. It was a bad morning.

The next couple of months was full of half hearted attempts at trying to get to know some people on campus, but in all honesty I'm not sure I really wanted to. I missed (and still do miss so much to this day) all of my friends back at home and they were the only people I wanted to see. I had deemed my room mate to be a good friend by this point in time (hahaha yay for you, Alyssa!) but I almost didn't think I was actually going to get any really close friends ever again. I mean, I remember one day I just sat on my bed for 3 hours and read a book straight through. I was pretty boring.

The end of the semester was just crazy. Did fun stuff happen? oh yeah lol. and not-so-fun-stuff? oh yeah... I'm not going in to specifics, but Christmas break was needed.

Then... second semester seems like it just started, and now it's almost completely done. But what has happened during second semester?

At the very beginning I got a self esteem boost from an interesting circumstance
I learned how to fall in to the routine of college better.
I actually have some really close awesome friends here at college as well as people at home.
I figured out I have to work just a bit harder on work than I did in high school (haha)
I learned how to take time for my self.
I learned I don't always have to be "available" to talk to.
I have really, really gained an appreciation of Anberlin and other bands
I explored Winona Lake.
I let myself get all fancied up for Alyssa's photography project :P.
I have almost completed the worst class in the history of classes. One more class. One Exam. Then I'm done.

But the most important?
I drank Perrier water.

Kidding!

Without a doubt not everything in this semester as been ideal... some things have really sucked. There's things I don't like about college, definitely. But I'm learning how to handle things better. Or at least I'm trying.

With summer coming right up, there's no doubt I can't wait to get out of here, even though I'll be waitressing almost every single day. Probably about half way through July I'll be banging my head on a wall, crying, and saying "get me out of here! I'll go back to college!!" because the July crowd is always insane. But honestly... even through all of the crap, I can't wait to go back to work and start getting money again. The summer will fly by though, between working and Bethany and Dustin's wedding.

I'm taking advantage of every bit of summer I have though. I can't wait for it.

Bring On Summer :D